17th November 2011

17th November 2011

It's just a date for most, one of those in a yearly cycle of 365 days.

Why does this date plays such a significant role for me to blog a page about it? Well, the reason is fairly simple. It's my big brother's birthday. He should be at a young adult's age of 25 this year.

The sad thing is, he's no longer here. He's moved on to a different place which we all have yet to discover. He left us when I'm in form 5 in the year of '07.

Frankly speaking, I still can't really get over it. It still feels like it was yesterday that he's still here. Sometimes we just get the gut feeling that someone is watching what we are doing, looking after us and at times, I still dream about him. Yes, that sort of like tricked my mind into thinking that the dreamworld is the reality and the reality is the dream. You get the idea.

My feeling this year as per compared to the year before is much different. There's this calmness which I'm feeling but yet the sense of disbelief of how things actually turned as it is. Well, last year was kind of a little embarrassing, I vented out my feelings and how much I actually missed him.

4 years have passed. 4 years. That's approximately 1460 days or the equivalent of 35040 hours. Goodness, it seems so long but the truth is that time actually passes by much faster than we ever noticed. I was in Form 5, and now I'm in my final year taking accounting, whereby if all goes well, I'll be out in the working world in no time.

I wonder what's his comment on me pursuing accounting rather than my actual interest at sciences. I also wondered what would he actually be now or rather where will he be working if he is around. Apparently, things aren't the exact way I hoped for it to be.

There's just this void. An unfilled gap that makes you feel numb towards whatever bad that could happen to you. The level of emptiness just makes one feel that there is no any suffering that could top this. What's worse was sometimes when I woke up from sleep, I have to remind myself of which is reality and which is not. Yeah, after 4 years, this still happens to me. Don't blame me, I don't know why. Probably my brain is toying with me.

When is the exact date he left us? Honestly, I can't remember. Somehow I think my brain is just unable to register that date into my system. Despite being reminded by my mum to keep that date in mind, I still forget about it. Well, it's not that I deliberately don't want to remember it, somehow it just wouldn't want to be remember. Maybe this can be attributed to my forgetfulness and maybe another part of me just couldn't accept the plain fact that he had left for a better place.

and yeah... the significance of today's date...

Today is also the day where my younger brother receives his UPSR results. A result of 3As and 2Bs. I wouldn't say that it's a great result, but it's not exactly bad as well. To be fair, I'd say it's a so-so or average result. Well, not bad not bad. Looking at things positively, it shows that there are actually plenty of rooms of improvement, and he is yet to do so. Probably big brother up there forgot to give him some 'guidance' or 'enlightenment' during his exams.

Well, DON'T FORGET ABOUT ME!! I NEED ALL THE HELP I CAN GET FOR ACCA!!!

LOL

I figure this needs mentioning as well. If there's anyone close to you, and you really appreciate them. Show it to him/her! Don't just wait! What are you waiting for? In fact, showing how much you care for one will definitely put a smile on their face not to mention that it will affect your emotions positively as well. Don't be like me, I didn't have the chance at all. That's my only regret. Time have passed and the history is history, nothing can be done to undo the past.



My dear Bro,

If you do have an internet connection up there, or perhaps you could see this. I'd just want you to know that you'll always be remembered. Look after those you care and remember to keep an eye for them. Though it has been 4 years. It still felt like yesterday.

R.I.P. Ong Tzong Huat

I miss you. Take care on the other side.


Signing off.

Keep those you love in mind, appreciate them, show it to them. Cause you'll never what could happen the very next day. It doesn't hurt to show how much to care for another